Why? (part 3)

I’ve mentioned a couple of times already (here and here) that I am not wrestling with the “why” question like I thought I might. Even in the middle of round 3 of chemotherapy that continues to be true. But I’ve decided that I might want to distinguish between at least two different kinds of “why” questions. First, there is the “why” question that is laden with anger, bitterness, sadness, or most of all, entitlement. This question has the person as the center of attention: “God, of all the people in the world, why did this have to happen to ME?” Whether by denial, self-righteousness, or God’s grace, I have not been struggling with this question. Compared to a perfectly holy, righteous, and just God, I actually deserve worse than a fight with cancer. I am a blessed man.

Second, there is the “why” question that is an honest, non-blaming search for God’s design. This question has God as the center of attention: “God, what are you trying to accomplish through and in me during this time? How would you have me live my life in the midst of this situation?” (Perhaps, then, this is actually a “what” or a “how” question.) I think I should be giving THIS question more thought.

There is a story in the Bible of a man with his own major life crisis – he was blind from birth: John 9:1-3: As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”

Jesus’ disciples approach him and ask the first kind of “why” question. Why is THIS man blind? Is it his own fault or that of his parents?

But Jesus answers the second kind of question. God intends to use this man’s situation to demonstrate something about how He works.

I suppose the same could be said of my situation (and yours someday). God wants to use it to demonstrate to, both to me and to others, something about how He works. And even as I type these words, I feel the gravity of responsibility. I need to be thoughtful and diligent. This is serious business. There could be a plan of profound importance at stake.

Honestly, I’m not sure I like that. I don’t know that God can rely on me for that. I’m not sure that I’ve ever done much that is “profound” in my life.

Pray for me through the rest of my treatment that I will be more purposeful in my behavior. Pray that I’ll have good conversations with my nurses and nurse’s aides. Pray that I’ll make sense in my blog posts. Pray that I’ll have a positive influence on my students and any others who are watching what I say and do these days. But through all of that, pray that I won’t try to do it all on my own power – pray that I’ll allow God to do His work in me.