A New Year often means resolutions and predictions.I’m not making any New Year’s resolutions. I disappoint myself enough already. But after reading some others make predictions for the New Year (like here and here), I decided to make my own. Here are my bold CBC predictions for 2008. Drum roll please…….
(1) We will have another record enrollment in the fall.
(2) Due to the record enrollment, CBC dorms will be completely full. And in an effort to prevent students from living off campus, President Terry Kimbrow will suggest that students triple up in their dorm rooms, rotating which 2 students get to use the beds each night. (He will be heard remarking to the faculty that more students should be pulling all-nighters studying anyway).
(3) Some professor from some department will do something completely uncontroversial and nonconfrontational.
(4) A group of militant Arminians will rise up and challenge the militant Calvinists in a CBC turf war. Arminians will claim the library and Calvinists will claim the auditorium. Arminians will design “John Wesley is my wing-man” t-shirts to match the Calvinists’ “Jonathan Edwards is my homeboy” t-shirts. In a tragic scene reminiscent of Michael Jackson’s “Bad” video, the gangs will face off at the bell tower. Accusations of heresy will be made. Fingers will get pointed and Bibles will be thumped. Tears will be shed and blood will flow. When the situation becomes most desperate, Bobby Wilkey will appear from the shadows, scold the two groups for bringing shame to CBC (or for making too much noise), and everyone will leave quietly in disgrace. No one will speak of these days and in 20 years only Jeff Riddle will remember.
(5) Josh Austin, not wanting CBC to be known as “that college” that suffered from an opposing player reaching the only quadruple-double in college hoops history, resorts drastic measures. The team becomes known for being “that team that wears Chuck Taylors and runs the 4 corner offense on every play.” And because of his love for towels, people will continue to compare coach Austin to Jerry Tarkanian.
(6) The men’s basketball team will beat a NCAA division II school.
(7) The men’s soccer team will reach the NCCAA National Championship Finals.
(8) I will continue insisting to my counseling students that simply having clients read the Bible is not adequate to solve their problems. Likewise, another student will complain to administration that I have a weak view on the sovereignty of God and the sufficiency of Scripture.
(9) The school will receive another large donation between $750,000 and $1,000,000.
(10) Chris Medenwald will get a larger office.
(11) Someone will write in to the student newspaper complaining that the new classrooms, new science labs, new science equipment, and new faculty offices in the Cooper Complex are all bad ideas, because, like, dude, where are they supposed to find the couches and vending machines now?
(12) The roof of the Cooper Complex will leak somewhere.
(13) The CBC Athletic Booster Club will not be guilty of any recruiting violations.
(14) Pi Lambda will be on the verge of extinction, just one year after its inception. Someone with vision and a heart for service will be the next president and will rejuvenate the organization.
(15) Tyronza Conard will catch someone breaking into and stealing items from the bookstore. The usually mild-mannered bookstore manager will flashback to his wild-eyed, Marine drill instructor persona and will scare the intruder senseless. Only the intervention of Jonathan Wilson (and his small touring group of prospective students) will prevent the intruder from wetting his pants and becoming a babbling mess.
(16) My blog will receive a record numbers of visitors. I will get excited and think highly of myself. Then I’ll find out that the numbers are simply due to my grandma (who has recently gotten her very first computer) hitting the refresh button a couple dozen times every day.
(17) Somewhere, sometime, somehow, the Holy Spirit will ‘show up’ on the CBC campus – and something very, very cool will happen.
I’ve got three slots left open to round it off to an even 20. What CBC predictions do you have?
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14 comments:
This is hilarious... Well done Nutty Professor.
*Someone will get their vehicle towed away from parking in the "no parking" zone on the street.
*CBC and UCA will band together for more pavement to park on.
*The internship fees will be dropped from students bills because no one knows where it goes?
-Eric
18. We will decide to expand the bell tower so that it becomes the tallest structure in Arkansas.
19. At least three students will forget how to wash their hands and will need to refer to the instructions in the restroom.
20. "Nothing New Under the Sun" will begin selling ad space and, as a result, Dr. New will become a millionaire. He will then finance a new gym on campus and everyone will call it the New Gym...forever...no matter how old it really becomes.
you had to bring up the quadruple-double
18) Doug Bible will retire because to many students ate chips and drank cola while in the computer lab. Al Gore will re-place him since he invented the internet.
19) Rhema Bible will come not to play us in basketball but to heal us.
20) Mike Hukabee becomes the new religion professor.
18. CBC will have their own baseball, softball, and soccer complex
19. CBC won't fine you for missing chapel because some of us work full time while in school
20. The mustang grill will get a credit card machine
18. The students will quit griping about parking because they finally realize that anywhere else they might go to school, they would have to park at least a mile away, and the 20 yards they walk now really isn't that far.
19. The students will quit griping about being required to live on campus because they realize that lots of other schools require the same thing and lots don't even let freshmen drive cars.
20. The students will quit griping about having to attend chapel because they realize that they CHOSE to attend school here knowing full well that chapel was a requirement and that the same "spiritual atmosphere" they were seeking when they came here is due, in part, to chapel services.
I must say i liked the list, however i took a little offense to the pi lambda one....or maybe it was just a slap in the face. However that may go, we tried? or maybe we didn't try hard enough....
-Meg
No offense meant, Megan. Just an observation - Pi Lambda seems to be floundering a bit as it tries to get going. But that's to be expected, I think. It is hard work to get an organization up and going and then to maintain the momentum.
My prediction actually speaks better of the current leaders than you might think. They have survived the storm of starting a new club and just when it looks like it might not make it... others will step up and take it the next step.
i haven't laughed this hard in a long time....
thanks!
~tara
Megan,
I went back are read my Pi Lambda item again and I can see how that could seem pretty harsh. And my response to you wasn't much of an apology. So let me do that.
Please accept my apologies if my words sounded harsh or were hurtful. Honestly, my intention was to spur others into considering leadership in Pi Lambda, too, especially at the end of this semester when we elect new officers.
Forgive me for my careless words. I would not intentionally and publically offer a slap in the face.
Dr. New,
I was half way joking with you. And to be honest i needed the slap in the face. I know you didn't mean for it to be hurtful. And please know that it did not hurt my feelings. I was joking with you when i said i took some offense to it, but i wouldn't go on to say that it didn't give me a little sting in the way to encourage me to do a better job. I think you were helpful in doing your job to help me do better at mine. Anyways, no hard feelings and your appology was accepted although it wasn't needed.
-Meg
18. Bryan Cox will receive his record
fifth ticket from CBC, covering all possible violations on the ticket (I still have "parking crooked" and "parking on the grass" to cover took care "reckless driving" here recently.)
19. The CBC Belltower will actually become Arkansas favorite deerstand and will attract visitors (even ones from Rison)
20. The young crew (New, Medenwald, Wilson) will take on the old timers (mitchell, thomas, and slayton) in a battle royale resulting in a riot in which WIlliams hall is burnt to the ground, insurance money is collected and a new dorm is built. (which may have been the prez plan all along).
*The administration will realize that those tiny little brown desks won't even hold a notebook and invest in all "adult size" desks.
*The administration will open two more doors for exiting chapel...A-F, G-L, M-R, S-Z...so that it won't take 45 minutes to clear the auditorium.
*The bell tower will start playing songs that people want to hear...songs that the students will sing along to loudly as they walk across campus.
tw
as long as the belltower doesnt play soulja boy, I am ok with that idea
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