Rather than offering my own review of Sacred Sex by Tim Gardner, I thought I’d give my students an opportunity to do so. We discussed the first half of the book in class today and I’ve Students, this is your chance to continue and/or summarize some of the discussions you had in your small groups. To get started, you may want to post in your own words what you consider to be one or two of the more important ideas in the book (and explain why). Also, feel free to post any questions, problems, or unresolved issues you have so far.
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16 comments:
the book mentions the level of confiding is closely related to your level of intimacy. Does this mean that if i don't tell my wife everything that goes on in a counseling session, that my intimacy will be affected?
Is praying really a form of foreplay? I wanted to know because it came up in group? KNA
Let me first say that this book has almost completely transformed the way I view sex. I have always been told not to have sex outside of marriage, but never in my life have I come to the understanding of why until I have read this book.
The thing that has stuck out to me the most is the idea of why the world is so obsessed with sex. Gardner made the answer so clear. When he linked sex to being so holy and spiritual, it all clicked. The world is searching for something to fill the void in their lives; unknowlingly they are searching for Christ. Since sex is so holy, it makes cense for the world to fill the void with sex. They are missing the mark.
Besides the one paragraph out of the 107 pages we read that stated that single people were not as complete with God as married people...I liked the book. Maybe I am not looking at the big picture that he was trying to paint but I felt the idea could have been worded much better.
Now onto my soapbox that we discussed in our group was that maybe the reason that this book came as a little bit of a shock or as a new idea to us was that even if our parents talked to us about sex growing up, they never told us why we should stay pure until marriage. I know personally, it was never explained to me the relationship between sex and the church. The intimate relationship that is formed is the closest relationship that as humans, we can reach to Christ. Sex is a beautiful thing that God created for human pleasure.
So I'm sure I just ranted for awhile...but I think it is a very important idea that is missed when explaining sex.
tnw
I think that the book is good so far (though I was a little confused with the one paragraph about singles.) However, after I finished the assigned reading, I couldn't help but think how much better the book might be if it were co-written with his wife (and if I were married). I know a few times he described different moments in his marriage and even gave advice some, and I could not help but wonder what his wife might have thought about certain things or what advice she might give.
Kara
I believe it was chapter 3 that discussed the main goal in sex was not orgasm but oneness. I really like that. Because, I think so often people judge how great their sex lives are by how great or how often they achieve orgasm. But great sex is when you can experience true oneness with your spouse. -The Zeb
This book has also transformed my view of not only sex but relationships. This book isn't as much about sex as it is about building great relationships through passion. I am to admit I was offended by the author apparent contradiction of single's not being the same representation of God, but I probably took offense because I am single. And the book wasn't for single people. It is for couples, either married or intending to get married. I did find myself wanting to keep the book around so that my future husband could read it and has/understand the expectations and ideas of having a relationship of oneness. --KL
I have found the book to be very insightful. it has restated some things that i have been taught in the past but has went into much more detail on these subjects. specifically, the idea of sex as oneness was very interesting to me. also the fact that sex influences everything in one's life as well as vica verca was a new concept to me. one thing i really liked about the book was the author's use of examples. I liked the fact that he would back up his points with stories of couples he has counseled in the past. probably my bigest complaint would have to be the lack of personal examples he gives. i feel that everything he says would hold more weight if he himself had went through some of the problems and fixed them using his own methods. that is just a personal preference though. All in all, great book. looking forward to finishing it.
nate billings
ok, someone please explain the author's take on singles. please tell me there is more to the story than him thinking singles aren't complete because they don't have a spouse.
Here you go, Lindsey. From page 17:
"Man, before the creation of woman, was somehow incomplete.... As a man is united with his wife in sexual intimacy, they become one flesh.... That is when a man and woman together most fully represent the image of God, which was breathed into them when He gave them life at creation. This is a marvelous truth. Our Creator God, who is three persons in one Godhead, created a man and woman who become one flesh in sexual union, fully representing the God who created them and gave them His image.
It is important to note that this truth about sex doesn’t mean that unmarried persons are somehow less representative of the image of God than those who are married. It does mean that the fullness of God, His complete image (albeit marred in our sinful state) is not fully represented by a lone individual. It is found only when women and men are together in community and communion in the body of Christ. ...And that togetherness of male and female is most fully expressed in the holy state of matrimony as celebrated in the oneness of the one-flesh union."
For me personally the most helpful part of the book has been that sex in marriage is worship. I have always had that thought in the back of my mind but for me personally the book gave me the freedom to actually feel ok with making that statement.
It also helped me to see that sex does go beyond the physical and that God also intended it for the spiritual part of our lives.
For anyone interested in reading more on Sex and God, Sex God by Rob Bell is from what I have heard a great read. I own the book but have not read it personally.
PJ
i have to say that the author has written this in a way that is hard to break down and even harder to form an opinion on....at least for me. after reading it SEVERAL times to make sure i understand what i think he is saying, here are my thoughts. and let me say, these are only my thoughts....
1. ""Man, before the creation of woman, was somehow incomplete..." - man before the creation of woman was alone, but he was not incomplete. creation as a whole might have been incomplete, but man himself was not. the author goes on later to mention that the image of God was breathed into them when he gave them life. so, is that to say, that when God breathed his image into Adam that God's image was incomplete? no, i feel that we are all created in God's image - a full and complete image of God - and HE is our completion. Yes, He does want us to live and dwell in unity with other Christians, and He did create us to desire and need other human contact. but, he did not create us to NEED other humans to complete us. (Col. 2:10)
2. There are people on this earth that will never get married. God created them this way, and His plan and intention for their lives is to be single forever. If the author's theory is true, then God is creating people with no hope of ever becoming "whole" or having the ability to fully represent the complete image of God. True, that the image of God isn't fully represented by a lone individual. but, i don't feel like "lone" equals "single." i am single, but i am not lone. lone, to me, means completely and totally alone - no contact with other humans, no fellowship with them, completely and totally independent of any human interaction......this is NOT the representation of the image of God. However, men and women, married or no, communing with one another in Godly fellowship to rasie up and support each other, to guide and walk with each other, to encourage each other, to chastize each other, to love each other...that is a wonderful representation of the image of God. And yes, while married couples have a "built in" partner to do this with, singles can also enjoy that kind of fellowship with other children of God. and yes, while i believe that sex is a God ordained act of worship and a gift from him to his children, those of us NOT having it are no less able to fully represent His image. We are just different representations, not less of a representation.
As i read the first half of this book i was encouraged by the insight that Gardner had to give. I believe he is right in the idea that, we as humans, have seemed to commerialize the idea of sex and that we have lost the true meaning behind it all- oneness. This idea is clearly expressed and is confirmed Biblically. I agree to the previous comment made by someone who was in my group, that the examples given of people he has counseled were great but it also would have been good to read of his own personal experiences. Without these own experiences, he almost seemed to portray himself as one without any fault, although i am sure that is not what he intended.
Gardner writes, “People are seeking a form of sex that touches the deep yearnings of the soul.” It seems that this form of sex can only be found in a complete oneness with your spouse as the two of you begin to view sex as an holy act of worship, as well as put the acts of worship into an every day lifestyle that portrays this type of mindset.
Overall it has been a great book and i anticipate finishing it as well as sharing these ideas and beliefs of oneness someday with spouse.
S.G.Murray
I must say I was little nervous about reading this book and very anxious to see what all it would proclaim. This book as well as the class has changed my whole thought process and view of sex. It has been encouraging to see how much emphasis is put of the whole word of sex and the true biblical meaning of holiness. One of the most encouraging parts of the book was that oneness is being one with your creator and your spouse and making your whole sexual relationship an act of worship! I am very thankful for this book and the class as a newly married lady it was very BENIFICAL! I would recommend this book to both married and singles I think this point has been brought up in class that it is nice for everyone no matter their relationship status to know the true God-centered TRUTH about sex. Katy Willett
I am slow to respond, but I have to build up courage! I really enjoyed the book and found that while the idea of holy sex was not foreign to me, Gardner wrote about it and explained it wonderfully. I especially loved the part referring to sex as worship, because it truly is when it is experienced as God intended it to be. Gardner makes an excellent point about how we focus far too much on trying to get all of the physical aspects of sex "right" and completely neglect the spiritual. Any couple can try to create the perfect physical sexual intimacy, but as Christians we have the unique spiritual bond that God has givn us through His grace to truly experience amazing sex.
I have to add that while I loved the book, I agree with Lindsey about Gardner's take on singles.
EG
My view of sex has been completely changed since I started reading this book, so many people in this world are looking for more in their relationships and holy and intimate sex is what they are missing. I've had it in my mind until recently that sex is wrong and a perk that married people get, but after reading and being in this class I find that it is so much more.
I was slightly offended by the author when he made the statement about single not being able to fully represent Christ, but I think I was so upset and offended because school single are constantly surrounded by relationships and marriages, most of the time our friends, who seem to always be hounding us about when we will be in a relationship and wanting to "hook us up" with "someone" they know. At CBC it almost feel like a sin sometimes to be single because the school reaffirms your loneliness and incompleteness, and I think that is why I took such great offense to the authors "singles" statement.
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