Shanda and I try to raise our boys right. I mean, they should say “please” and “thank you.” They should keep their voices quiet in church and restaurants. They should not hit or kick their friends or each other. They should not eat their boogers.And they should not call the hogs.
Shanda and I had to leave our boys with some ex-friends of ours for an evening last week while we went to a banquet. Looking back, we should have known better. These people are notorious Razorback fans, but we thought they could control themselves for a few hours. We might as well have asked heroin addicts to leave the syringe alone for a few hours. Impossible. These so-called friends of ours have ruined the boys.
EMAIL #1 from Jenni (our ex-friend)
(In her email, she describes a conversation that took place that night)
Jen: “OK boys, I'm going to teach you how to do something, and then I want you to do this for your Mom & Dad when you get home.”
Parker (5 years old) & Tanner (2): “OK!!!!! What?”
Jen: “I'm going to teach you how to call the Hogs!!!!”
Jen’s son, Ethan (4): “YEAH!”
Tanner: “YEAH!”
Parker: “NO!”
Jen: “Why?”
Parker: “I don't think my Dad will like that!”
Jen: “Sure he will....here's how it goes.....”
Ethan & Jen: “WOOOOO PIG SOOOIE”
Jen’s other son, Reece (1): “Wooo blah blah dada”
Parker covers his ears
Tanner starts shouting “NOOOOOOO!!!”
It was a good effort by me. Wow, are they loyal.
I was proud of my parenting skills. Raise a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it. Or call the hogs.
Then I got this a few minutes later:
EMAIL #2 (from Shanda, replying to Jen our ex-friend)
I just asked Tanner if Jenni tried to teach him something last night and he immediately gave a big "Wooo Pig Soooie!" (complete with hand motions) followed by "RAZORBACKS!!!!" screamed at the top of his lungs! So Jenni, you get an A+ in Hog indoctrination. (Sorry, Aaron.)
I grieved for a while. But I have come to accept that living in Arkansas is kind of like coming into contact with the Star Trek borg. At some point, you are going to be assimilated, like it or not.
Tanner may be lost. But I’ll keep up the resistance ‘til the end. What else is there to do?
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10 comments:
Aaron, you should know . . .
"Resistance is futile."
Love it! Go, Jenni!!! Those New boys are too cute not to be Hog fans!
Moving to Arkansas and wearing Razorback shirts & hats (which I have seen you wear) and not calling the Hogs is similar to moving to the US and not learning the language. Have fun paying a babysitter next time you have an event.
Sincerely,
Your ex-friend
Having been somewhat assimilated I have sort of become like Wilson, the neighbor on Home Improvement.
I watch the Hogs with interest. I take a somewhat deviant pleasure when they lose. And I continue to root for a team that is actually a better football team than the Hogs.
Of course, most of the time, that is not a very exclusive club.
And calling the Hogs drives me nuts. Seriously, it is ridiculous.
Keep up the good work, Aaron.
Our family is doing our best to teach the grandkids (my nephew, nieces, and cousins) that they are "Sooner born and Sooner bred," though most of them live in Texas. Few of them, now, would dream of wearing orange or making the "Hook 'em horns" sign any way but upside-down.
Resistance is NOT futile.
I say buy some chalk..ya know the kind that resembles a small telephone pole...take my grandsons to the drive way...let them be creative...and then teach them the "rock chalk Jayhawk" call. if that doesn't work..."get thee behind me Hogster" might do it.
Go Hawks!!
New
Rock Chalk? At least Arkansas wins in football.
Go Sooner or go home.
Be careful, Craig.
You can knock the Jayhawks or the Tarheels all you want to right now. But when roundball comes around, your boomer sooners will be looking up the rankings for both of my teams.
Ask them if they can say "Geaux Tigers!"... That should be easy!
Bret
S.M.O.D. President
Since I went to a Div III school, I have no team spirit, sense of school pride, or any cool quasi-gang signs to flash...
My school even changed the mascot a few years ago. We're now the Wheaton "Thunder"?!?! What kind of mascot would represent that? We didn't have very far to fall though. Our previous mascot, the Crusader, was basically a guy in orange tights and a blue t-shirt...
So I guess I'll just live vicariously through someone else's big-time college experience...so "gig 'em ags" and "go bears" and "let's gooooooo mountaineers" and "we are...Marshall!" and "go big blue" (Kentucky) and, oh yeah, "hook 'em horns"
Thom R.
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