There is something in the water at CBC. Or in the air ducts at Bruce Hall. Or in the chicken strips at the MustanGrill.But something is causing a rash of weddings among CBC students. (And from what I hear, there will be another outbreak next summer, too.)
Before long, the honeymoon phase will wear off a bit for these young couples -- if it hasn’t already for some. And the real work of making and sustaining a successful marriage will begin.
I’d like to provide a forum for folks to give whatever unsolicited advice they’d like to these newlyweds. Think about what you wish you would have known when you were a newlywed. Or think about what has been particularly helpful to you in your marriage. Or think about the lessons you’ve learned through your own mistakes.
Make your advice as serious or as light-hearted as you’d like, but try to keep it practical. And whatever you do, don’t repeat the list of common bits of wisdom like “Spend quality time with each other.” or “Do what makes the other person happy.” Be creative.
You can remain anonymous if you’d like (though I appreciate those who sign their posts). Just be sure to state your gender and your years of marriage.
Here’s my entry (for now):
Male
Married 12 years
(1) Always know how many years you've been married. Don't forget. Try not to pause to calculate. Just know.
(2) Find a way to laugh together. A lot. Even laugh at each other when you can get away with it.
(3) Guys, don’t call your wife “hardy” even if you mean it in the best of terms.
(4) Guys, don’t call your wife “lovebarge” even if you think it is pretty funny.
(5) Spend lots of time with other couples. It helps if those other couples have problems. Not the big, on-the-brink-of-divorce problems….. just the common struggles found in lots of couples. That way, (a) you can learn how to solve problems from others, and (b) you learn your marriage isn’t as bad as you thought it was.
(6) Put a picture of your wife in your office where you and everyone else will see it frequently.
(7) Don’t buy or listen to country music. (OK, so this one isn’t just for married couples. This is just plain good advice for all persons everywhere.)
(8) Guys, sometimes your wives will ask you trick questions. I don’t know why they do this. It must be from some kind of secret manual they get or something. But be very careful when you hear things like, “How do you like my new hairstyle?” If you are even a bit overenthusiastic in your response, she’ll want to know what was so wrong with her previous hairstyle. Sometimes the best response is to run like Joseph or to just ask, “Um, is there a right answer to this question?”
(9) Don’t over inflate the value of advice you get from family members. Pay little attention to advice given by strangers and even less to what you read on blogs.
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9 comments:
1. Whoever invokes the word "Nazi" has automatically lost the argument.
2. Remember to date each other on a regular basis.
3. Never stop trying to impress your mate.
4. Sometimes what you want can wait. And sometimes it should.
5. Divorce is expensive, so invest in your marriage.
6. Let your kids see you kiss each other.
7. Send cards--even e-cards--for no reason.
8. Develop the spiritual gift of sometimes keeping your mouth shut; the last word rarely is.
9. Find a ministry to do together.
10. Remember that not everything is life and death--be silly with each and flirt. Play is underrated.
Funny!!!
My name is Chris, and I've been married 6 years. Everybody now, "Hello Chris."
1. Ladies, it's not "just football." At one time men marched off to war and hunted for the family's dinner. Football is one of the only connections we have to the past--when men were warriors! Don't dismiss it as "foolishness." (My wife actually gets into it.)
2. Men, "looking good" is an ESSENTIAL for women, it's not a frivolous expense. Don't argue about $100 trips to the beauty parlor. You may get what you deserve!
3. Seriously, the best advice I could give is this: Be friends. My wife and I can honestly say that we are best friends. When the difficult times come, we have laughter and companionship to pull us through!
S. Covey, in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, reminds us that love is a verb (an action), not a feeling. Feelings have a tendency to rub off. If that "loving feeling" is no longer as strong as it once was, make a conscious decision to get it back. Love is choice. And prayer is the ultimate ally.
Oh, I almost forgot: my name is Henry and I've been married six years (this time; it's a long, sad story, really). :)
Happily married 7 going on 8.
1) Get married on an easy year to remember. For example, we got married in 2000, therefore it is always easy to remember how many years I've been married (2007 = 7yrs)
2) Encourage your wife. If she has an idea about something she would like to do(with or without you), encourage her. Show her that she has your support.
3) Compliment her. Let her know what a good job she's doing, no matter what it is. (Honey, the house looks nice; Honey, supper was excellent; I like your new haircut/coat/shoes/dress)
4) I know it's hard for us guys, but try to notice the little things about your wife. (things she wears, things she does, things that seem ordinary everyday things)
5) TALK TO HER! She loves to talk (I'm not trying to be funny). She wants to talk to you. She wants you to talk to her. You have a DVR now - pause the game for a minute so she can tell you something with your full attention. It shows that you care.
6) Never say "I told you so". This phrase can be said in a joking matter, but you still need to be careful. Sometimes what you think would be joking, isn't joking.
I'm Heather, married 7 years, and My husband and I are still learning every day. :) I am not one to give a lot of advice, but here are a few thoughts....
1. Realize that you will have fights/arguments/disagreements and it is not the end of the world or your marriage. It is just a part (albeit not a fun part...) of life. Your spouse will not always understand you...but he/she will always love you. Focus on that.
2. Talk TO each other ABOUT each other, for at least 5 minutes every day.
3. Learn to communicate in your spouse's love language, even if it is not yours. (The book "The 5 Love Languages" is GREAT!) This will probably require practice and sacrifice, as it is not always the easiest or most natural way.
4. Seek out "couple friends" to spend time with. Ask God to bring you people in the same "stage in life" who you BOTH can connect and feel comfortable with. (The BOTH is important here....it can't just be "her friends" or "your friends") Walking through the journey of marriage and parenthood is MUCH better if you have company to share it with!
5. When you leave or say goodbye on the phone, always say "I love you"...not casually...but think about it and mean it. Sadly enough, life brings the unexpected and this way you can always know that the most important thing was always clear.
6. (I was only going to do 5 but I can't end on a sad note!) Brag on your spouse to others...when he/she is there AND when he/she is not. The best compliment to me is when someone tells me "Your husband was telling me about....and how great you're doing, etc."
I am very impressed with the list of suggestions people have made! I've been married almost 38 years and my husband and I are still crazy in love with each other! All of the people who have written have great insight. Only one other major suggestion I would make is to pray for each other everyday and if possible pray "with" each other.
Hi I'm Jenni, and I've been married for 7 years.
1. Pray for each other & grow closer to God together.
2. Remember that your husband is not going to remember things. This usually includes things you have planned or things he needs to do. As frustrating as it is, it is not something that men can control. As non-nagging as possible, send nice little emails or leave notes for your husband with subtle reminders. This will eliminate some fighting.
3. Try not to get mad at your husband when he spends an entire Sunday afternoon in the recliner watching football while you clean the house. Just use that for "credit" for when you need to have a day with the girls or go shopping.
4. Laugh a lot.
5. Never let work come before your spouse & kids. If you are so unhappy with your job that you cannot enjoy your time at home, then it's time to get a new job.
6. Never go to bed mad. It is something you hear a lot, but it is true! You will both sleep a lot better if you are not mad and still re-playing the argument in your head.
I'm Rachel, I've been married six years.
A lesson that I've had to learn is that sometimes, you have to let your husband just be a man. He needs to feel like this, his father probably raised him like that and if he didn't have a father figure, then recognize that there is some innate, natural-born instinct that makes a man want to provide and take care of his family. My husband and I are partners in every way but sometimes I have to let him be the one to shoulder the burden, to take care of me, even when I could do it myself. It's important to him that he, for example, makes sure I get home safely late at night, or that he take care of the car, etc. etc. etc. I'm not a delicate flower, I don't need protection and I can change my own car tires; but more than I need to assert my feminism, he needs to assert his maleness. I don't pretend to be anything less than I am, I just step back and let him handle it sometimes. It's not an issue of control, it's an issue of not asking him to fight his instincts.
And frankly, who wants to change a car tire anyway? It's hard on the knees.
Loved the advice for you old wise ones! :D
This isn't quick and easy, and I dont know that anyone is weird like me and reads 2 year old posts but a book that throughly encouraged me and helps to guide me in being a better wife was "Feminine Appeal" by Caroline Mahaney. It was recommended to me by Katy Willet and I have never regreted reading it. In fact I almost couldn't put it down because Mrs. Mahney had so much wisdome.
And I like Rachel's tips for women, yeah I can probably do a lot of things on my own, but "feminist" and "feminism" are two different things and ladies we need to be more feminine in allowing our men to be men. I'm not telling you to wear pearls and heels every day, but maybe we should let our men be the bread winners. The American Dream of husband and wife having amazing careers, and a huge house and multiple cars might be nice. (I know I'm going to get slammed for this) But maybe we don't have to have all of that, maybe we women should be stay at home moms and take care of our families. I tell you, one of my roll models is Michelle Dugger. I think she is such a good example of a Christian wife and mother.
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