My Wedgwood Story, part 1

There’s so much more to the story of the Wedgwood shooting than I could ever tell here. In fact, there’s so much more to just my own small part of the story.

I could share how my wife was walking from her car to the church when kids started running out of the church – some of them screaming, some of them covered in blood, and some of them numb in disbelief. I could share how my wife was within minutes of sitting next to one of our friends who was killed and how hard it was to comprehend just how close she came to being another victim.

I could share just how chaotic the hours were afterward at the church. Dozens of police officers worked the crime scene. Hundreds of people were scattered in the streets and a nearby school, frantically searching for friends and family and all the while trying to make sense of the senseless.

I could share how my wife and I picked up the family members of a victim at the airport in the middle of the night and how heart wrenching it was to watch and listen to them as they confirmed their family member was in fact dead.

I could share how incredibly intense the first church service was in the sanctuary. Blood-stained carpet and pews were removed. Bullet holes remained in the walls. Empty chairs with robes hanging over them were left in the choir loft. We prayed and sang in ways unlike any other service. We cried. A lot. And God met us there.

Even now, I find it hard to write about these events. Not so much because it brings difficult emotions to surface (though it does), but because I can’t focus enough. My mind wanders. Short movie clips play in my mind as I picture what happened in the days and weeks following. I re-live various events and conversations. And there is no coherent pattern to the emerging memories. There is no order. Just random, yet extraordinarily vivid memories. Yet through them all, I still feel a sense of peace. I remember how God loved us and cared for us during that time. And I remember how God spoke to me.

There has only been one time in my life when I sensed God speaking clearly and directly to me at a specific moment in time. I don’t know that I would call it an audible voice, but it was very close. For all the heartache those days brought, I’m thankful they provided me with at least one experience in my lifetime where God’s voice was clear as a bell.

I’ll share that story next…

Why I Don't Like SYATP

OK, so that title is a little much. It’s not really that I don’t like the See You at the Pole events, per se. It’s just that every year, SYATP reminds me of 9/15/1999.

That’s the day someone walked into my church and shot and killed seven people while they were having a “Saw You at the Pole” rally.

I can’t tell the whole story now, but here is just a sample of Baptist Press links to follow if you are interested…..

Gunman Kills Seven… (9/16/99)
Southwestern Mourns Loss… (9/17/99)
Wedgwood Reclaims Sanctuary… (9/20/99)
Pastor on Larry King… (9/20/99)
Pastor Responds to “Where Was God” (9/24/99)
Words of Love on Sanctuary Floor… (10/14/99)
Teens Gather Back… (12/2/99)
Life Changes Since September 15 (12/30/99)
Christ is Still King… (6/13/00)
Healing and Release in Worship… (9/20/00)
Widow Finds Unexplainable Peace… (9/15/04)

To say it was an awful day is to grossly minimize the trauma and grief many people suffered during that time. But I don’t know many other words to use. It was awful.

And yet God was and is good. Simply calling God good grossly minimizes his grace and mercy to all of us during that time. But again, I'm often at a loss for other words. He was good to us. He still is.

I have my own story to tell about 9/15/99. In fact, one of the only ways I know to make sense of those events is to periodically tell my story to others. So, while I won’t be posting my story now (if you’ve followed the links, you’ve read enough already), I will be sharing it here soon.

Which Way Am I Going?

Darn it, I've gotten inredibly busy. Swamped, I'm telling you. I wish I could blame it on someone else. Like a lot of us, I tend to take credit for my successes, but blame others for my failures. But the truth is that I'm an unorganized person who has extended himself to the max.

Don't worry, though. More blog posts are coming soon. (As if you were really on pins and needles....)

Interrogating Guest Bloggers

I like people. I’m curious about them. In fact, I think they are fascinating. Maybe that’s partly what drew me to the field of psychology and counseling. I just enjoy learning about people. I like to know what they think about all kinds of stuff. I like to hear their stories. I like to hear about their hobbies, their families and their churches. I like to hear about their journey through hardships and triumphs, through failures and successes, and through all of the ups and downs of life. I like people.

So I’ve been kicking around the idea of asking various guests to write for my blog. If nothing else, I can share with you my curiosity and the pleasure of simply getting to know other people better. I already have in mind asking several different folks to contribute: counselors, ministers, engineers, students, college administrators, teachers, musicians, authors, and more.

I am working on a short list of standard questions I am going to ask all of my guests to answer. I could provide a rationale for each question, but I’m not sure you’re that interested. But here are some of the potential questions….

(1) What part of your job is most rewarding? What part is most frustrating?
(2) What is something else (not related to your job) that you are passionate about?
(3) What is one good book you’ve read lately and what made it so?
(4) What do you know now that you wish you would have known when you were younger?
(5) Describe someone you know personally that most admire.
(6) Describe something that has surprised you lately.
(7) If you could share any one “life lesson” with a college student today, what would it be?

What questions would you add to the list? What is it you are curious about when really getting to know someone?

Eat This Book

I’m not the biggest fan of Christian parodies. But these short clips are kinda funny. Scroll down for all three.

Important Names, part 3

I’m learning that moms and dads worry about their kids in different ways.

Here’s what my wife worries about:
- Will they be happy?
- What if something terrible happens to them?
- Are they growing up with good manners?
- Are they well-behaved in school and church?
- Will they always be safe?

Here is what I worry about:
- Will they play basketball, football, soccer, or golf?
- Or will they be four-sport athletes?
- Will they have pretty girlfriends/wives?
- Will they get into fights?
- If so, will they be able to pummel their foes like Muhammad Ali?
- Will they be leaders or followers?
- Will they be cool kids or nerdy kids?

OK. So I’m only half-serious. But just the other day, I did briefly wonder about what Parker will be like in school. He came up to Shanda and said, “Mommy, when you were a little girl in school, did you REALLY like it when the teacher called your name?” Shanda, being an honest person, told Parker that she loved it when teachers would call on her. Parker was glad to hear that. He said he really liked it, too. “It makes me feel happy when she calls my name in class. It makes me feel SMART.”

We ALL like it when other people know our names, don’t we? I stressed over whether my name tag was flipped around at the conference. Muhammad Ali beat a man mercilessly over his name. We all like it when our pastors, teachers, school presidents, community leaders, and cafeteria ladies know our names.

And God knows our names -- a simple truth many of us have known from our early Sunday school days. But let it sink in for a minute again. The Creator of the universe knows ME and He knows YOU and he calls each of us by name (John 10:3).

So it turns out my name is important after all, just not for any of the silly reasons I ever come up with. My name is important because the one with the “Name above all names” knows it. In a sense, we are all the Teacher’s pet.

Now if I can just get my sons work on their cross-over dribbles or their golf swings….

Important Names, part 2

In 1967, in the days leading up to their bout, a boxer named Ernie Terrell decided to call Muhammad Ali by his previous name, Cassius Clay. This infuriated Ali and he promised before the fight that he would make Terrell pay for his disrespect and would make Terrell acknowledge his new name.

The fight was 15 rounds of unrelenting punishment on Terrell. Most agree that Ali purposely refrained from knocking Terrell out just so he could continue the brutal torture. Terrell suffered a broken bone under his eye in the early rounds. Then his retina was damaged. He eventually was bleeding so badly that he could barely see the punches coming. And when he could see them, he’d flinch as Ali drew back his fists. Throughout the match Ali taunted Terrell, screaming at him, “What’s my name?!?! What’s my name?!?!?”

A couple of posts ago, there was some discussion about how Christianity in general and church programs in particular often feel a little, well…, wimpy, or sissy or…..feminized. Ellsworth verbalized something that had only been a vague feeling of discontent within me about some of our current “worship experiences.”

“We sing songs with flowery language about coming to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses, and about falling in love with Jesus. Fortunately, that’s not what Christianity is about. I have no interest in falling in love with Jesus. He is my sovereign king, not my wife. I’ve even heard some suggest that we need to ‘let Jesus make love to us.’ That’s a description that simply churns my stomach, and one that is found nowhere in Scripture.”

An interesting comparison, I think. Jesus as gentle lover vs. Jesus as warrior-king. Please don’t misunderstand me – I know that we are called the “bride of Christ” for a reason. But I think we have neglected relating to Christ in other ways. I’ve been singing love songs to Jesus for a long time. But I don’t even know how to begin singing a song to my warrior-king. What would we do differently if we were to approach Jesus like that every once in a while in our church services?

As I closed my post yesterday, I quoted Philippians 2:8. And then I thought of Ellsworth's post on wimpy Christianity. Then I tried to picture Jesus defending his name. When Satan is finally defeated, I don’t picture a quiet, gentle, compassionate Jesus kneeling down to Satan and wiping his brow, holding Satan in His arms and with tears rolling down His cheek whisper, “I wish you would have known my name.” Rather I picture Jesus standing over Satan, eyes blazing, and roaring victoriously for all to hear, “What’s my name?!?!”

I have no idea how accurate that picture is, frankly. But I know Jesus is my warrior-king and that as a man, there is something in me that yearns to follow that Jesus just as much as (if not more than) the one I sing love songs to.

Important Names, part 1

I’ve been at the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) world conference this week (hence the absence of blog posts).

I’ve been inspired and I’ve learned a great deal from some great Christian authors and speakers this week. I’ll be blogging about some of those things in the future. But for now, let me make an observation on something else. I discovered that I am a little silly when it comes to my name.

We got name badges this week. They came attached to a clip that we wore around our necks. My badge was constantly flipping around. No matter how I situated the thing around my neck, it would always find a way to flip. It was mocking me, I tell you. I got obsessed with making sure it was turned the right way because I wanted people to be able to see my name. I was a nobody with my name turned around. But flip it over, and viola, I was a somebody. I was important. I had a name.

Then I started comparing my name badge to others. Some of them had Ph.D. next to their name. Dang it. I didn’t put Ph.D. next to my name. I almost thought about asking for a new name tag. After all, the thousands of folks at the conference should know that I am smart. I wanted to put a post-it note on my name badge with an explanation: “There should be Ph.D. next to my name here. I don’t want you to think I’m just some Joe who wandered in off the street. I’m smart. I’m important. Really. See – I have a Ph.D.”

I put my own name in the title of my blog.

I was glad to get a new name plate for me door once I got my Ph.D.

I am overly concerned that my business cards always look just right.

I often unnecessarily spell my name for people. Heaven forbid they spell “New” wrong. Or spell my first name with only one ‘A.’ Or even worse – shiver – spell my name ERIN.

Would you believe I even introduced myself to our new Missions professor and my new colleague as “Dr. New” last week? I immediately felt ridiculous and I quickly chalked it up to being in a rush and not paying attention to my words. (I don’t usually introduce myself like that to anyone but students. But I did in this case.)

I’m so stupid. Actually, if I’m honest with myself, I’m more than that. There is a part of me that is self-centered and proud. That’s not just stupid – it’s sinful. I don’t deny that all people have a natural desire for recognition. This desire may even be God-given; something built in us to move us towards the only one who can give us ultimate and eternal recognition. But there is only ONE name that is of any real importance.

God gave Jesus “the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow—of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth.” – Phil. 2:8

Father, forgive me for thinking too highly of my own name and neglecting the importance of yours.

Wimpy Athletes and Sissy Christians

I found this article the other day and couldn't help but share it..... Would love to hear your thoughts after reading it.

Wimpy Athletes and Sissy Christians

by Tim Ellsworth Date: Sep 7, 2007

JACKSON, Tenn. (BP)--One of the common myths that continue to persist about Christian athletes is that they’re not competitive enough, not aggressive enough, to succeed in the sports world.

A prime example is a recent story I read on mlb.com about Tampa Bay Devil Rays shortstop Ben Zobrist. The writer made a point to mention that Zobrist is a devout Christian, “which has prompted some to question his competitiveness,” the story says.

Let’s see here. Albert Pujols is a Christian. So is Tony Dungy. John Smoltz is, too. Oh yeah, and Sean Alexander. Lance Berkman, Bobby Bowden, Mariano Rivera, Dwight Howard, Joe Gibbs and many others -- nobody’s questioning their competitiveness because they are Christians.

While it seems like a silly question, there has to be a reason why these myths live on. Why is it that people unconnected with church and unfamiliar with Christianity believe that the Christian faith saps the competitiveness from athletes?

Perhaps there’s such a misconception about Christians being “soft” for the same reason that prompted David Murrow to write the book “Why Men Hate Going to Church.” Murrow’s conclusion is that “manly men” have all but abandoned the church because churches are predominantly catered to women.

“Tough, earthy, working guys rarely come to church,” Murrow writes. “High achievers, alpha males, risk takers, and visionaries are in short supply. Fun-lovers and adventurers are also underrepresented in church. These rough-and-tumble men don’t fit in with the quiet, introspective gentlemen who populate the church today.”

Murrow says this is the case because churches have over-emphasized certain characteristics that are typically feminine qualities. “Today, a good Christian is known mostly for meekness, sensitivity, passivity, and sweetness,” he writes. “This standard of Christian behavior is very tough on men (even those who are sold out to Jesus) while it’s easier for women to achieve.”

Murrow may be correct in his observation that church has become a place where men are uncomfortable. And if that’s the case, men have nobody to blame but themselves. They have abandoned churches for so long that it’s easy to see why church might seem more designed for women – because women are the ones who are there. Men who have failed to take the lead in churches have no right to complain that church isn’t designed for them.

Of course, lack of church attendance by men is only part of the problem. Too many fathers have washed their hands of their kids’ spiritual instruction, turning them over instead to the church for that task. If men won’t step up and take the responsibility for the spiritual welfare of their families, why should we expect them to step up and take responsibility at church?

I don’t agree with all of Murrow’s arguments. For example, I think his characterization of men who do go to church as “humble, tidy, dutiful, and above all, nice,” is a drastic generalization. In fact, I’d say that most of the men I know who are faithful church attendees don’t fit that description.

But Murrow’s underlying premise deserves some consideration, as there’s plenty of evidence that Christianity these days has indeed become something less than masculine. Churches too often stress emotions and “sharing your feelings,” something that’s anathema for most men. We sing songs with flowery language about coming to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses, and about falling in love with Jesus.

Fortunately, that’s not what Christianity is about. I have no interest in falling in love with Jesus. He is my sovereign king, not my wife. I’ve even heard some suggest that we need to “let Jesus make love to us.” That’s a description that simply churns my stomach, and one that is found nowhere in Scripture.

No wonder so many people question Christian athletes’ aggression and intensity, when language like this abounds in Christian circles. No wonder a lot of guys don’t want to come to church, if Jesus has to be their girlfriend. And no wonder so many men have a faulty view of Christianity as “too feminine” for them. If that’s what Christianity was about, I wouldn’t want to go to church either.

Tim Ellsworth writes this column from his home in Jackson, Tenn. Write to him at timellsworth@gmail.com or visit his blog at www.timellsworth.com for additional commentary on sports, Christianity, culture and politics.

A Great Story

Stories are important. I’m not talking just about the kind of stories we read in books. Rather, I think our lives are stories, too. More precisely, we all live our lives within the framework of what we believe to be “our story.” The stories we tell about ourselves (and the stories others tell about us) shape our reality. They shape how we think, feel, and act. They shape how we relate to others. Stories are helpful because they provide a context for understanding our lives. But our stories are subject to error and can cause us to see a distorted picture of the world and our place in it.

Even those in my field have re-discovered the importance of our life stories. Narrative therapy has been one of the more recent trends in counseling and it is an approach that emphasizes the stories we tell about ourselves and how we can retell those stories in ways that are more accurate and meaningful. For a Christian perspective on understanding and reshaping our own stories, I’d recommend To Be Told, by Dan Allender.

I was reminded of the importance of stories this week as I finished teaching a rather long series of Sunday School lessons covering the book of Acts. The book of Acts, of course, is the story of the early church (though primarily about the lives and ministries of Peter and Paul). It is an amazing tale of how God directed the lives of the apostles, how God protected their lives, and how God worked through them to spread the good news while at the same time meet the real needs of real people along the way. And the way the story ends has had an impact on me this week.

As Luke (the author) brings his story to a close in the last two chapters, he vividly reminds us of these elements all over again. (1) God shows up In the midst of the confusion and chaos of a hurricane and speaks to Paul. Paul is strengthened by the knowledge that God is in control and is directing his life. (2) Even though Paul encounters the terrible situations of being shipwrecked and then being bitten by a poisonous snake on Malta, God continues to protect Paul’s life. (3) To the very end, Paul is sharing the good news with everyone he can and is healing the sick. God continues to use Paul as his messenger and instrument of care.

Then Luke does something a little strange. He ends the story rather abruptly. Paul is in Rome, under house arrest, and, well,... the end.

It seems to be Luke’s version of “to be continued……” Maybe Luke did this purposefully. After all, the story of the church doesn’t end there. In fact, the story of the church as been continually developing for a couple thousand years now (just not in written form like in Acts). I was struck by the idea that my life is a continuation of the story we read in Acts. I am a part of the church and my story is part of that story. So I was left wondering….

(1) How is God directing my life?
(2) How is God protecting my life?
(3) How is God using me to spread the good news?
(4) How is God using me to meet the real needs of real people?

These kinds of questions help me see my life within the context of a more meaningful and accurate story.

My sense is that many college students feel lost, wondering where their places are in this world. For those that may be reading…… be encouraged. Your story is a part of this story, too. What God has done for Peter, Paul and the apostles, God will do for you and me, too.

Just Another Blogging Monkey

By the end of the day today, my humble lil’ blog will have surpassed 2,000 visitors since May 4, 2007. With as much nonsense that I post, it is only appropriate that a Monkey puts me over the top.

Those numbers work out to about 20 hits per day. I’m amazed that many people have any interest whatsoever in what I have to say. Maybe they don’t and I should just thank my mom for checking in a dozen times every day. In any case, thanks to everyone who stops by every now and then. And a special thanks to those who comment on my posts. Stay tuned - more stuff that is nothing new is coming.

Aaron

The Monkey is Back

The Monkey Kick Off has returned. I challenge all blog readers to a monkey kick off.

Something in the Water at CBC

There is something in the water at CBC. Or in the air ducts at Bruce Hall. Or in the chicken strips at the MustanGrill.

But something is causing a rash of weddings among CBC students. (And from what I hear, there will be another outbreak next summer, too.)

Before long, the honeymoon phase will wear off a bit for these young couples -- if it hasn’t already for some. And the real work of making and sustaining a successful marriage will begin.

I’d like to provide a forum for folks to give whatever unsolicited advice they’d like to these newlyweds. Think about what you wish you would have known when you were a newlywed. Or think about what has been particularly helpful to you in your marriage. Or think about the lessons you’ve learned through your own mistakes.

Make your advice as serious or as light-hearted as you’d like, but try to keep it practical. And whatever you do, don’t repeat the list of common bits of wisdom like “Spend quality time with each other.” or “Do what makes the other person happy.” Be creative.

You can remain anonymous if you’d like (though I appreciate those who sign their posts). Just be sure to state your gender and your years of marriage.

Here’s my entry (for now):

Male
Married 12 years

(1) Always know how many years you've been married. Don't forget. Try not to pause to calculate. Just know.

(2) Find a way to laugh together. A lot. Even laugh at each other when you can get away with it.

(3) Guys, don’t call your wife “hardy” even if you mean it in the best of terms.

(4) Guys, don’t call your wife “lovebarge” even if you think it is pretty funny.

(5) Spend lots of time with other couples. It helps if those other couples have problems. Not the big, on-the-brink-of-divorce problems….. just the common struggles found in lots of couples. That way, (a) you can learn how to solve problems from others, and (b) you learn your marriage isn’t as bad as you thought it was.

(6) Put a picture of your wife in your office where you and everyone else will see it frequently.

(7) Don’t buy or listen to country music. (OK, so this one isn’t just for married couples. This is just plain good advice for all persons everywhere.)

(8) Guys, sometimes your wives will ask you trick questions. I don’t know why they do this. It must be from some kind of secret manual they get or something. But be very careful when you hear things like, “How do you like my new hairstyle?” If you are even a bit overenthusiastic in your response, she’ll want to know what was so wrong with her previous hairstyle. Sometimes the best response is to run like Joseph or to just ask, “Um, is there a right answer to this question?”

(9) Don’t over inflate the value of advice you get from family members. Pay little attention to advice given by strangers and even less to what you read on blogs.