Counseling Moses?

People often come to Christian counselors feeling lost. As they are struggling with depression, anxiety, traumatic events, relationship problems, addictions and more, they feel distant from God. Some (but certainly not all) are keenly aware of this separation and are desperately seeking God in the midst of their pain and hardships. But they just can’t find the connection they are looking for on their own – so they come to a Christian counselor for help.

And good Christian counselors are trained in helping clients find God in the midst of their trouble. We search Scripture with them. We pray with them. We encourage other spiritual disciplines. We do try to help clients change how they are thinking, feeling, and acting with all sorts of various methods and techniques. But all along the way, we try to help our clients meet God.

Last Sunday, my pastor used Exodus 33 in his message. This chapter (along with the next) is about Moses meeting God and it got my wheels to turning. (Look out – the psychology guy is doing theology again!)

Moses had just been given some very troubling news. God told Moses to take the people to the Promised Land, but that He was not going to go with them. The people were such a stiff-necked people, God just might destroy them along the way if He were with them.

So Moses becomes distressed. He pleads with God and God decides He will go with Moses and the people after all. Then Moses makes another request – he wants to meet God. “Show me your glory,” he says. And God responds in a fascinating way. He agrees to let His goodness pass in front of Moses and agrees to proclaim His name in Moses’ presence. But God will not let Moses see His face “because no one may see me and live.” So God places Moses on a rock, covers Moses with His hand, and then lets Moses see His back as He passes by.

I think there may be several lessons in this story for any of us who are interested in helping others meet God in their distress.

(1) God is faithful to meet us where we are and communicate to us in ways we can understand. God is not a physical being, yet He manifests Himself in a physical way for the benefit of Moses. We read about God’s hand, voice, face, and back. Surely God is not limited to body parts like those of Moses. In fact, God is infinitely greater than Moses can comprehend. But these anthropomorphisms help communicate truths about God in ways that are actually understandable Moses and us. Like Moses, we will find God when we search for Him and He will communicate to us in ways we can understand. And like with Moses, He will meet us where we are.

(2) In our troubles, God’s answer to our plea to meet Him may not be the full answer. God prohibits Moses from seeing Him fully. They don’t get to sit and visit face-to-face. Moses doesn’t leave with a complete revelation of who God is. His meeting is incomplete. As God passes by, I have in mind a picture of Moses left in awe – a part of him fully satisfied, a part of him desperately longing for more, staring and reaching out for God as he watches only the back of Him pass into the distance. Like with Moses, God will answer our prayers to meet Him, but will do so in a way that leaves us wanting more of Him.

(3) Meeting God is serious business. At first, God refuses to go with His people because He may have destroyed them. He relents, but it is obvious that His presence can be dangerous. In fact, as we see with Moses, it can mean life and death. God declares that no one can see His face and live. It is no small thing to pray with and for our clients, asking God to meet them in their distress. Flippantly or carelessly asking to meet God is risky business. Like with Moses, God expects us to be thoughtful and earnest in our petitions and to respond in worship.

Those have been my thoughts this week in any case. I’ll trust that you all will be like the good Bereans as you read and test them against Scripture. I’m still improving my extemporaneous writing and these observations from Scripture may need some additional work.

Teaching an Old Dog

(This picture is a little old. But it fits the post today.)

My blog gets personal a bit more often during the summer since I don’t write as many posts related to my CBC classes. If the personal stuff rates too high on your Velveeta scale, move on. I’ll post some other thoughts later.

On Monday this week, I had some revelations and learned some lessons about parenting 3 boys. Here they are in no particular order.

There are lots of things that my wife and I can get worked up about. I’m having to retrain the way I look at my world. I think there are some things I should just learn to expect and accept without too much undue stress.

- Our boys are going to break items in our house.
- Our boys are going to get themselves hurt.
- Our boys are going to fight and argue.
- Our boys are going run, jump, wrestle, yell, and create all sorts of chaos.

If I’m not careful, the majority of my time with the boys can become about rules. “Boys, here are the rules. Do you remember the rules? Why did you decide to break the rule about that? What is the rule about this? What should be the consequence for breaking the rules? Didn’t I just tell you the rule about doing that? Rules, rules, rules.” It dawned on me that I don’t want my sons to grow up with a father whose main worry is about rules. I detest legalistic Christianity, but I have found myself rather comfortable with legalistic parenting. *sigh.* I’m a little lost how to change that right now, but I’ll figure it out.

I also discovered a few things this Monday that keep me young.

- Riding bicycles with my sons on the bike trail.
- Chasing squirrels and birds on the bike trail.
- Throwing and skipping rocks in the creek.
- Playing Operation and checkers.
- Playing outside and barefoot in the rain.
- Watching leaves, sticks, and spit flow down the gutter and into the storm drain.
- Seeing mom roll her eyes when she hears we were following our spit down the gutter.

Shanda sometimes says I’m no different than one of the kids. She doesn’t mean it as a compliment, but that’s OK. It’s not so bad being a kid.

Who's Your Daddy? (part 2)

In an earlier post, I summarized 10 common pictures of God, according to Larry Crabb. I concluded by stating I would share my own picture of God.

OK. So here it is. In my thoughtless and weaker moments, God seems to me to be a bit like Simon Cowell.

Eewww. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

If I’m not careful, I tend to look at life as a kind of performance – on stage for everyone to see. And while most of my friends and family appreciate me and are cheering me on, a few people in this world would like to see me fail. Everyone can have their own opinion of my life performance, but the only one that really matters is the judge. Like Simon, God seems to be from a foreign country sometimes. He says and does things that I don’t always understand. And while he is close in proximity to me, he seems rather impersonal. He expects perfection and as a rule he only offers corrections and rebukes. But every once in a while, if I do really well and I’m really lucky, God will smile and say nice things about my performance.

It’s not that I worry about my life being an audition to determine whether I make it into heaven or not. I am secure in my salvation. But I sometimes have the feeling that God looks down on my pitiful life, shaking His head at how much of a mess my performance is. When I’m careless, God seems to be nothing really more than my talent judge. Obviously, I’m thankful that God is much more than that.

Postscript: In a very weird coincidence, Tanner announced today that he thought “that guy” on American Idol looked like Jesus. We couldn’t tell if he meant Robert Downey, Jr. (“the guy that almost fell off the side of the stage”) or if he meant Ryan Seacrest (“that guy who announces the singers”). In either case, both Tanner and I have some issues with American Idol taking on too much spiritual significance in our lives. Good thing this season is over.

Who's Your Daddy? (part 1)

Our Life Group at church (Conway’s First Baptist Church) has been working through lessons related to a book by Larry Crabb, The Papa Prayer. This topical study is a nice change of pace since we just finished a series of lessons by Beth Moore on the life of David where we studied ginormous portions of Scripture each week. I’m also digging this study because Crabb is one of my guys – he’s a Christian counselor. I even use one of his books in a class at CBC.

With apologies to Crabb, here’s the quickest summary of the book I can offer. Rather than praying for a bunch of stuff all the time (even if it’s good stuff), we ought to engage in more “relational prayer.” This is the kind of prayer that connects to God on a much more authentic and personal level.

In a recent lesson, Crabb encouraged us to take a good look at our picture of God. When we think of God and when we pray to Him, exactly who are we praying to? When we direct our prayers, who do we imagine is hearing us? We may not all have vivid, dramatic mental pictures in our heads, but we all have some sort of impression of who God is. And we need to be careful that our impressions aren’t misrepresenting Him.

Crabb describes 10 common pictures of God. Here they are (my paraphrases, anyway). See if you can relate to any of them.

Smiling Buddy – God is there for you the way a good friend should be. He likes to hang out with you. Prayers are like asking favors from your BFF.

Backroom Watchmaker – God is the craftsman who designed and wound up the universe like a clock. Now He has other things to do. He is rather indifferent to our lives and prayers seem a little futile. They don’t make much difference – the world just keeps on ticking.

Preoccupied King – God is worthy of our allegiance, but He is absorbed with really important kingdom stuff like evangelism and political battles over abortion. Our prayers feel small and petty – certainly not worthy of a king’s attention.

Vending Machine – God is a prayer answerer. We put in coins and collect our treats. Need a parking space? Need a new job? Need protection for your travels? Pray more. Put in more coins. God is good.

Stern Patriarch – God is to be obeyed but not enjoyed. Use your manners. Carry a big Bible. Put you napkin in your lap. Our prayers to Him are often stiff and rigid – we ask them in a timid, shy voice, while trying to be on our best behavior.

Kindly Grandfather – God loves us and spoils us because we are adorable. If we tug on his pant leg long enough, He’ll smile and answer us. “Well, I guess you can have candy before dinner. But just one piece. OK, maybe two, but don’t tell your parents.”

Impersonal Force – God is a power that cannot be harnessed. He is more a thing than a person, like something from Star Wars. Prayer somehow tries to redirect this power, but it never connects to someone who knows and loves you.

Cruel Tyrant – God is watching and waiting for you to screw up and then He’ll strike you down. Look at what He did to Job – He turned Satan loose to torture him. God has little interest in looking out for us. Prayers are more like begging for mercy from a despot.

Moral Crusader – God hates the sins of culture like pornography, abortion, gambling, same-sex marriage, and adultery. Personal spiritual formation is secondary. Prayers should focus on turning the national tide back to God.

Romantic Lover – God longs to satisfy our hearts. He loves us so we can feel valuable, special, and cherished. Pursue the pleasure and ecstasy of connecting with God. Whatever creates misery in your life, run from it into the arms of your Lover. Pray words of adoration and passion while He sings love songs over you.

Since summer is here and blog participation my slow down a bit. But let’s test the waters anyway. Does anyone find themselves picturing God in one or more of the ways above? Do you have any critique of Crabb’s list? Some of you are creative and may like to add a picture to the list. I have one I’ll add soon – but the post has gotten long enough already.

My 2008 Graduates

This past Saturday was graduation at CBC. We held a Commissioning Service for students in the Department of Behavioral Sciences. It was a chance for us to celebrate our students’ accomplishments at CBC and pray for God’s blessing on them as they move forward from here. Before one of our own distinguished alumni spoke to the students and their families, I said a few words. What follows below is something close to what I said.

This year is a special year for me. I have been at CBC for three years now and after three years I finally feel like I understand what’s going on around here. And after three years, I finally feel like the graduating students are my students. We have spent much time together and we know each other well. I’m burdened by the prospect of their success being partially a reflection of how well I have prepared them. The students here today aren’t just generic students – they are my students. I feel responsible for them and I feel a connection with them. Granted, my students may not have always felt same connection with me. For them it may have been more like the connection you have with your crazy uncle from Kansas whom you tolerate when he visits during holidays, but you hope he doesn’t stay too long and eat all of your food.

In any case, let me tell you a little bit about my students.

They are extremely bright. It may take several more years for me to fully understand just how special they are. But consider this – I have twelve graduates this year and together their average GPA together is just over 3.5. That is amazing! Eight of the twelve are graduating with honors and two were inducted into Alpha Chi this year. And one of these twelve will be receiving another special honor later today.

They have been very gracious to me. They were patient when I just wasn’t very good as a teacher. I sometimes look back on my first three years as a full time professor and think I should apologize to them. But they worked hard to become better students and in doing so they challenged me to work hard to become a better teacher. They also laughed at my jokes and stories. And they tolerated me when I stumbled for words or made up my own because my mind was working faster than my lips.

They have all grown and matured in various ways while here at CBC. Many have adjusted to major and sometimes quite painful life events. They have been determined and they have persevered through difficult times. And they have demonstrated a wonderful combination of love for God with love for others. Many of these students have found a passion and a vision for helping hurting people – motivated by Christian love. As I have read their papers over the years, I have noticed their compassion and their growing spiritual maturity. It is going to be terribly exciting to see what God is going to do through them.

As you can tell, I am very proud of my students. At the end of this year, I asked my graduates to provide some feedback on their time here. Before our speaker comes, let me share with you some excerpts. Here are some of my students – in their own words.

“My favorite times in class were those moments where we would just forget everything and be real with each other – both goofy and serious times. When we would just talk or laugh, or just be in the moment with an issue – that was awesome for me.”

“I was often challenged to grow in my beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors… to really dig for answers and wrestle with issues instead of just accepting things because someone said so.”

“There were so many humorous events that happened…, but I think one of my favorites was that time when Eric Hudson teased you about wearing a ‘Regis tie’ and it seemed to bother you a little.”

“The way I interact with people on a daily basis is different, too. I am much more understanding and sensitive to people struggling with illnesses and crises. I can’t even really describe how much my spiritual life has grown and how I have become a better person for having been a student at Central Baptist College. It has been an amazing experience.”

“In my internship I was able to see some lives of those less fortunate than me – and without the hope that I have through Christ. This helped me to continue to grow in my spiritual walk.”

“My college life at CBC has been one of the best times of my life. I would not have thought that I could enjoy college so much. …I will greatly miss the brotherhood that I felt while attending school here.”

“I think the work in my classes has changed my life in so many more ways than I could even count. I’ve grown as a person, a Christian, and as a counselor in leaps and bounds. Every class in some way taught me something about myself and taught me about others – so every day I felt like I expanded who I was….”

“If I wasn’t convinced before that I should ‘love the least of these,’ my heart sure hurts greater for them now. I’m so very grateful that through these years at CBC my passion got stronger, my fire has burned brighter, and my love has grown.”

Thank you class of 2008. May the grace of our Lord be with you all.

I'm Failing All Calvinist Students

From 11/07/07. One of my favorite posts - not because my original post was all that well written, but because it produced some feisty responses. In fact, would you believe that a few students decided to "boycott" my talk to the Minister's Association here because of this stuff?? Militant Calvinists are funny that way.

Honestly, there's a small part of me that likest to stir up a little bit of trouble and I wish we had more lively discussions like the one that followed this post. You can see the original thread here.

Also, this thread produced on of my favorite quotes of the past year: "Theology degrees are over-rated. Most of the nitwits espousing bad theology have one." Thanks, Craig.

I'm Failing All Calvinist Students

At least that appears to be the rumor lately.

Good grief. Either the grapevine has grown and wildly distorted a class discussion the other day, or some of my students weren’t paying a lick of attention to what I was really saying. Let’s set the record straight. Here’s a short summary of what I said in class…

When dealing with hurting people, counselors and ministers have to confront the issue of personal choices. There is an issue of volition (free will and choosing) that must be addressed. There are two positions that some Christian people-helpers take that are not particularly helpful.

Position #1 – All personal problems are the result of personal choice. People choose their problems. They need to choose differently. They need to stop what they are doing and choose to be obedient to God.

This approach overemphasizes the role of volition. Telling a depressed person to just choose different behaviors isn’t particularly helpful. Nor is telling the woman struggling with anorexia to “just eat something.” Nor is telling the man addicted to pornography to “just stop it.” We have to do more than that.

Position #2 – Choice is an illusion. People do not really make choices. God is sovereign and ordains (causes) everything that happens.

This approach rejects the role of volition. But neither will this approach suffice. It will not do to blame God for our bad decisions. This is a brand of hyper-Calvinism that may work for some in their academic offices, but is not effective in helping people overcome their problems.

To clarify the problem with this position, it was at this point I suggested that any student who holds this position (that choice is an illusion) could come by my office after class. I would immediately give them an “F” for the course. I went on to explain that I was sure they would feel unfairly treated and would quickly go to the Vice President to register a complaint. But here’s the problem…the person who holds this position has no right to complain about my “choice” as a professor. If they are unhappy with the “F” that seems arbitrary, their position insists that they actually see it as God-ordained and they should take up the issue with Him, not me.

Obviously I’m not really going to fail anyone just for being a Calvinist. Or an Arminian.

A dispensationalist? Maybe.

Psychology and the Sufficiency of Scripture

From 10/15/07. I enjoyed this post mostly because of the interest and dialogue it generated. You can read all of the comments here and you can read part 2 here.

A recent class period generated particularly good discussion and several students mentioned afterward how much they enjoyed it. I’ve decided to post a summary of that discussion here for a wider audience. I’m going to encourage my students to come and participate in further dialogue, but would appreciate anyone else’s input as well.

In one of our texts, Larry Crabb addresses the issue of Biblical sufficiency in counseling. At the heart of the debate among Christians is this question: Is the Bible sufficient to tell us everything we need to know about understanding and solving the problems people face in their lives?

Rephrased for counselors, the question might go something like this: Is the Bible a textbook for counseling? Crabb outlines three positions on this question.

(1) No, God never intended to write a comprehensive guide for counseling. Under this position, “Content other than biblical data is permitted to serve as the beginning and end points for thinking through the issues of counseling.” Counselors legitimately can use any data in understanding and solving personal problems as long as they don’t contradict direct teachings of Scripture. One major problem with this position is that the Bible often fails to serve as a foundation for our counseling. Our theories and techniques must only avoid conflict with the Bible. They do not necessarily emerge from the Bible.

Sometimes our churches operate under this position even though they would verbalize something different. Churches that verbally commit to the Bible being sufficient for everything needed in understanding and solving personal problems often openly neglect addressing personal problems. Crabb puts it this way, “The message [in many churches] is clear: The community of God’s people is no place to deal with the real concerns eating away at your lives; we exist to maintain orthodox belief and to promote conforming behavior. Helping you with your personal problems is not the business of the church.”

(2) Yes. It is comprehensively relevant to every legitimate question that life presents. Under this position, if the Bible does not answer a question about life, then the question should not need to be asked. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 seems pretty clear, doesn’t it? Crabb agrees with much of this position, but in the end says, “The problem with this reasoning… is that it is so close to being right.” He offers two reservations about this position.

Reservation #1: If we are looking for direct answers, we might give to the literal meaning of the text a comprehensive relevance that it simply does not have. Imagine we are called to counsel a man struggling with intense urges to cross dress. Since the Bible directly address this issue (in Dueteronomy 22:5) we might assume that this teaching is comprehensively relevant. Nothing else is needed. We would counsel the man, “Don’t do that.” If he asks why he struggles with such urges when most other men don’t, or if he asks what causes such urges, we would advise him that those questions are illegitimate. They aren’t answered in the Bible, so those questions must not matter. Crabb explains, “Under the banner of biblical sufficiency, Christian counselors may ignore crucially important questions by responding only to questions that they can easily answer.”

Reservation #2: When the range of permissible questions is narrowed, our understanding of complicated problems is too simplistic. Imagine this time we are counseling a woman struggling with anorexia. Since the Bible doesn’t directly answer this issue, we turn to issues the Bible does answer. We know that the Bible describes our bodies as the temple of the Holy Spirit. Anorexia may then just be seen as rebellion against her responsibility to care properly for the temple. Again, “why” questions go unanswered and we give shallow answers to complicated problems. “When we limit the questions we are allowed to ask to those the Bible specifically answers, the result will often be a nonthinking and simplistic understanding of life and its problems that fails to drive us to increased dependency in the Lord.”

For Crabb, there must be a third alternative. We’ll be discussing that in class today and I’ll be posting a summary of it here tomorrow.

The Loudness War

From 7/12/07. Here's another post that I appreciated more than my readers. I love music. And I love metaphors. So this musical metaphor for the Christian life was appealing to me. You kinda have to watch the video to get it, though.

If you have a good ear for music, you might pop in a new CD today and recognize the quality is poorer than CDs produced years ago. Record producers have been fixated on making music louder and louder, often at the expense of quality. Watch this short video for a more complete explanation.



At the end of the clip, the commentator remarks, “When there is no quiet, there can be no loud.” This seems to be a wonderful metaphor for our hectic, activity-packed, loud lives. Have you noticed our obsession with things that are big, loud, and otherwise extreme? It’s not just about volume - we are drowning all of our senses. And our Christian lives are no exception, either. We feel good about our church services, concerts, and “worship experiences,” but even in these we have fallen to the temptation of bombarding our senses until we are buzzing and then calling it real.

Just as the music quality suffers when CDs are made louder and louder, the quality of our lives suffer when we jam our senses and our lives full of stuff, even good stuff.

Our Father tells us, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

We need times of quiet reflection, solitude, and meditation. These quiet times in our lives will surely bring more crispness and clarity to the rest. It is ironic, I suppose. If you really want a big, loud, rich, full life… be sure to tune in to the quiet times of your life. When there is no quiet, there can be no loud.

The Swirling Vortex of Doom

From 5/23/07. I love this story about Lake Peigneur.

- Running my cousin’s 3-wheeler into a barbed-wire fence.
- Buying a country music CD.
- Shattering my own windshield while replacing a wiper blade.
- Trying to grow a goatee.
- Going to the bathroom with poison ivy on my hands.

I’ve made a ton of mistakes in my life. Most of them have been relatively inconsequential – thank goodness. God is good to us that way. We get lots of grace. But some of our mistakes, even the small ones, have terrible consequences.

This is especially true with our words. The smallest of mistakes with the words we use with someone can have lifelong effects. This shouldn’t be any surprise to us. James 3:1-12 reminds us of the power and danger of our words. “See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!" (vs. 5)

I was reminded of how small mistakes can have huge consequences this weekend when I heard the story of Lake Peigneur in Louisiana. In 1980, it was a small freshwater lake only 6 to 11 feet deep. A drilling company began drilling operations from the lake, but after drilling some 1300 feet below the lake, they ran into trouble.

Click here or here for the full story. Click here for a video segment.

Here’s the short story. The drilling company hit a salt mine below the lake. Water started to rush into the salt mine, dissolving the salt pillars and collapsing the salt dome. A whirlpool began in the lake that eventually sucked down the oil rig, 11 barges, a tugboat, trailers, trucks, trees, and who knows what else. The lake typically drained into the Gulf of Mexico 12 miles away through a canal. Once this swirling vortex of doom began, the water in the canal reversed directions. Water from the Gulf of Mexico filled in the salt mine and lake. Lake Peigneur is now 1300 feet deep instead of 11. And the saltwater drastically changed the biology of the lake.

All of that from a 14 inch drilling bit.

I’ve got to be more careful with my words.

And poison ivy.

Lessons from Toad Suck Daze (part II)

For this week, I'll be reposting some material of the past year. (I would call it the "best of" but that assumes I've actually had some good material.) You can chalk this week up to (1) being lazy and unoriginal, (2) being swamped with projects and final exams to grade, or (3) sleep deprivation from lil' Cooper being up at all hours of the night. You choose.

Today's post is from a year ago - after Toad Suck Daze in 2007. But I had many the same observations this year.

I worked at a booth at Toad Suck on Sunday morning for Life Choices. (There’s a plug for you, Maria!) While at the booth, I heard this comment from a dad as he led his family through a downtown street. For some reason, it caught me really funny and I nearly laughed out loud as they passed by.

"Coltuhn!! Give yur turtle to yur sissy so you can eat yur pickle!”

This little kid had a box in one hand (with a hole in the top and a turtle inside) and a jumbo pickle in the other. He was struggling mightily to manage both of them at the same time.

You see all kinds of people at events like Toad Suck. For example, over the weekend, I saw……
Some people wearing flip-flops, some wearing combat boots.
Some people with long hair, some people with no hair.
Some people in motorcycle gangs, some people in scrapbooking clubs.
Some people who smoke, some who don’t.
Some people who liked the Bret Michaels concert, some who liked Michael English.
Some people with kids, some people without.
Some Republicans, some Democrats.
Some people with lots of tattoos, some without.
Some people with lots of teeth, some without.
Some people who appreciate good hygiene, some people who don’t.
Some people who appreciate fried Oreos, some people who don’t.
Some people lots of money, some people without much money at all.
Some people who were like me, some people not so much.

Lesson #2 from Toad Suck Daze = God must value and enjoy variety in His creation. So should I.