Identity, Part 1

Students of psychology will recognize Erik Erikson as the person who gave us the 8 well-known stages of psychosocial development. Erikson describes a crisis or a challenge that has to be met at each stage. For example, in the fifth stage (during adolescence), a person must achieve a sense of identity. It is during this stage that the focus of development is on answering basic questions such as, “Who am I?” and “What is important to me?” and “What do I believe?” In our everyday conversations we may describe someone as having an “identity crisis” and this language is taken directly from the work of Erikson.

An overwhelming number of psychologists have agreed with Erikson on at least this point. Having a sense of identity is extremely important.

Social psychologists have also demonstrated that we will often become like the people with which we associate. People who spend a lot of time together tend to develop some common mannerisms, habits, thoughts, beliefs, and values. We don’t often recognize it in our own lives, but it happens nonetheless.

I did an interesting pseudo-experiment today. I looked through my personal email address book to see what kind of people I associate with. There are a few people I spend time with that are not on my list and there are some people on my list that I haven’t spoken to in months or years. So an email address book is not the best measure of what company a person keeps, to be sure, but it was at least a place for me to start. If I have a tendency to become like the people I associate with, I might want to take a closer look at them.

After I eliminated entries for people with whom I have only occasional professional contacts (textbook publishers, family doctors, etc), I was left with 120 people in my address book that are friends, family members, or acquaintances with whom I associate. Here are some observations…

30 of them are pastors or ministers in churches
14 of them are working in mental health and social work fields
12 of them are professors at colleges or seminaries
6 of them are engineers or architects
6 of them are doctors, dentists, nurses, or physical therapists
4 of them are or have been foreign missionaries
3 of them are information tech guys
1 of them is an auto mechanic
1 of them is a chemist
1 of them is a state senator
1 of them was the speech writer for former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee
1 of them sings opera
At least 9 of them are big fans of “Lost” or “24”
At least 5 of them are borderline OCD
At least 3 are pickleball players
At least 2 have a severe clown phobia
At least 2 live regular lives even though their families are knee-deep in money
At least 1 is an extreme John Denver fan
At least 1 is seriously afraid of mayonnaise

I am proud to know these people. I know more about them than I’ve shared, obviously. But I was struck by the integrity of character shown by so many people in my address book. Some of them have had their share of personal struggles: divorce, pornography, a crisis of faith, depression, etc. But they have handled their struggles and their lives with integrity. For that, I am grateful. I am glad to know them and I hope to be more like them.

Except for the guy with the condiment issue.

What observations can you make from your own personal address book?

AN

Abortion in the Movies

You don’t see it often. Hollywood is as much of a pro-choice (pro-abortion) place as you’ll find anywhere. Yet few movies or television shows positively portray women who choose abortion. Is it because Hollywood doesn’t want to offend a large class of socially conservative Americans? Not likely. Hollywood isn’t afraid of offending folks on the issue of homosexuality, for example. Why is the abortion issue different for Hollywood?

Al Mohler has an interesting post on this question. Read it here.

AN

Don't Visit This Website Yet

I’m serious. Don’t click this link yet.

Abort73.com

I am honored to serve on the board of directors for Life Choices, Inc. in Conway, AR. We provide services to women in crisis pregnancy situations, always with the aim of preventing abortions. It is a wonderful organization with compassionate and dedicated staff. I would encourage you to visit their website and consider supporting the ministry there.

When I was approached with the idea of serving on the board of directors, I was already well acquainted with the biblical and spiritual evidence against abortion. But I was less versed in the secular evidence. It turns out there are compelling biological, political, conditional, and philosophical arguments against abortion.

Abort73.com

Abort73.com provides these arguments. At some point, you need to visit the website. But please, be sure you are ready. It is heavy stuff. The videos are intense. You should especially watch the first video that comes up after you click on The Case Against Abortion. But get your heart and mind in the right place before checking it out. Prepare to be confronted with the brutal and graphic truth of abortion.

From the Abort73 MySpace page:
Abort73.com is an exhaustive, online resource that comprehensively exposes the hidden violence and injustice of abortion. Even though abortion is one of the most common surgical procedures in the U.S., the average American knows almost nothing of its grim reality. High schools and universities go to great lengths to graphically expose the dangers of smoking, drunk-driving and STDs, but take a pass when it comes to accurately teaching about abortion. Abort73.com exists to tell you what almost no one else is, so go ahead, we dare you to know.

When you have some time to spend and when you are ready, THEN go visit this website:

Abort73.com

Then support causes that prevent abortions.
Remember the issue when you vote.
Reach out to women at risk for abortions.
And minister to those who have already had abortions.


AN

Who Do You Want As Your Neighbor?

Jack Bauer,

Horatio Caine,

or THIS GUY?

Belated Father's Day Post

Here’s something a little lighthearted today because Friday’s post will be intense.

I am the dad of the two coolest boys on the planet. I’m not kidding. You know those “My kid got an A in kindergarten” bumper stickers? I’ll be the dad whose bumper sticker says “My kids are better than your kids” or “My kids rock. Yours stink.”

My boys love to play outside. They love soccer, cars, sticks, dirt, bugs, baseball, trains, planets, superheros, monsters, guns, swords, bikes, scooters, wrestling, running, jumping, spitting, yelling, falling, new tennis shoes that make them run faster than before, swimming, exploring, climbing, crashing, and digging. Boys in general are cool. And my boys are the coolest.

But Shanda would really like to have a girl, so we are talking about having another baby. (I’m aware that talking is not how you have babies – save your emails.) I can’t blame her, I guess. But being a dad to a little girl worries me just a little bit. Watch this Sprite commercial and you’ll see why.

Consistently Inconsistent

I’m learning some lessons about consistency these days.

I have been golfing while on vacation recently. I sometimes forget how fun and frustrating (at the same time) that game is. I made some Tiger-esque shots that were absolutely amazing – if I do say so myself. But the problem is that I cannot make those shots consistently. In fact, I’m just as likely to top the ball off the tee and barely dribble it to the women’s tee box. Or scald a 20 yard chip shot 40 yards past the green. Or slice my shot 3 fairways to the right. I’m not consistent.

And my blogging has been inconsistent lately, too. I’ve had three extended trips away from home already this summer, and all of them have been in places where access to the internet is difficult, if not impossible. I would have given ya’ll some warning, but something feels weird about announcing to the internet world that I will be away from my house for a while. At worst, it is an invitation for someone to rob us. More likely, it is an invitation for some locals to be squirrelly. I mean, Jonathan and Cory both have a sneaky, mischievous side and I wouldn’t put it past them to do something like Saran Wrap our house. Robyn and Megan are both still in Conway, and I can just picture all the toilet paper they could throw around late at night while hopped up on sugar and caffeine and giggling uncontrollably. And Tara lives just one street over from me. *Shiver.* The problem is that inconsistent bloggers lose readers. So I’m back to blogging more consistently now. No more summer vacations. I’ll probably be blogging about 2 times a week until school starts up again. Then I’ll bump it up to 3 or 4 times a week.

My Sunday School class is studying the book of Acts and we are discovering that consistency was also the key to success for the early church. Everywhere you turn, you find the early believers being consistent in their teaching and preaching. It was ALL about Jesus – his life, death, and resurrection. It seems that this consistency was what brought growth (and persecution) to the early church. I could insert some commentary and criticism here about our churches today and whether Jesus in still consistently at the center of our work. But more importantly for me today, I’m reminded of my own personal spiritual inconsistency. If I want to be successful – in golf, in blogging, in my spiritual life – I’ve got to be more than consistently inconsistent.

AN

Jesus on MySpace

http://myspace.com/isthisjesus

Kinda cool. Kinda weird.

Close Friends

I’m having the good fortune of spending time with close friends this summer. Ya’ll know I spent several days hanging out and fishing with some guys in Texas. And my wife and I will get to spend 3 days with two other couples and their kids at a house on Table Rock Lake pretty soon.

The longer I live, the more I appreciate God’s gift of good friends. They make life rich and full. I’ve been blessed with the opportunities to share life, with all its’ ups and downs, with good friends. I’ve shared in things like…..

- celebrating the joys of having babies and raising kids
- suffering the losses of ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages
- suffering the loss of a newborn
- celebrating the joys of new jobs and promotions
- suffering the losses of getting fired or kicked out of garduate school
- celebrating great personal accomplishments
- suffering the losses of murdered friends and family members in church
- celebrating God’s healing and grace in corporate worship

Lots of laughs.
Lots of tears.
More of both than I can remember. And both have been better when shared with close friends.

So, I got to thinking……… How do you know if your friends are really close friends?

Shanda and I have learned that your friends are close friends when you can spend 3 full days in the same house with them on vacation and you actually look forward to it.

I learned from my fishing trips in Texas that your friends are close friends if you can all wash your underwear together in the same washer and dryer and no one thinks anything of it.

So, you share your definition of close friends. Fill in the blank.

You know your friends are close friends when _________________.

Frustrations

Golf, softball, and computers. They all make me want to cuss sometimes. (Just for the record - I don't.)

I'll get my comptuer issue resolved soon. Look for a new Nothing New post on Monday.

Thanks for your patience!

AN

Technical Difficulties

...experiencing some techical difficulties with blogging.....

Hopefully, I'll be back up and running soon.

AN