Students of psychology will recognize Erik Erikson as the person who gave us the 8 well-known stages of psychosocial development. Erikson describes a crisis or a challenge that has to be met at each stage. For example, in the fifth stage (during adolescence), a person must achieve a sense of identity. It is during this stage that the focus of development is on answering basic questions such as, “Who am I?” and “What is important to me?” and “What do I believe?” In our everyday conversations we may describe someone as having an “identity crisis” and this language is taken directly from the work of Erikson.An overwhelming number of psychologists have agreed with Erikson on at least this point. Having a sense of identity is extremely important.
Social psychologists have also demonstrated that we will often become like the people with which we associate. People who spend a lot of time together tend to develop some common mannerisms, habits, thoughts, beliefs, and values. We don’t often recognize it in our own lives, but it happens nonetheless.
I did an interesting pseudo-experiment today. I looked through my personal email address book to see what kind of people I associate with. There are a few people I spend time with that are not on my list and there are some people on my list that I haven’t spoken to in months or years. So an email address book is not the best measure of what company a person keeps, to be sure, but it was at least a place for me to start. If I have a tendency to become like the people I associate with, I might want to take a closer look at them.
After I eliminated entries for people with whom I have only occasional professional contacts (textbook publishers, family doctors, etc), I was left with 120 people in my address book that are friends, family members, or acquaintances with whom I associate. Here are some observations…
30 of them are pastors or ministers in churches
14 of them are working in mental health and social work fields
12 of them are professors at colleges or seminaries
6 of them are engineers or architects
6 of them are doctors, dentists, nurses, or physical therapists
4 of them are or have been foreign missionaries
3 of them are information tech guys
1 of them is an auto mechanic
1 of them is a chemist
1 of them is a state senator
1 of them was the speech writer for former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee
1 of them sings opera
At least 9 of them are big fans of “Lost” or “24”
At least 5 of them are borderline OCD
At least 3 are pickleball players
At least 2 have a severe clown phobia
At least 2 live regular lives even though their families are knee-deep in money
At least 1 is an extreme John Denver fan
At least 1 is seriously afraid of mayonnaise
I am proud to know these people. I know more about them than I’ve shared, obviously. But I was struck by the integrity of character shown by so many people in my address book. Some of them have had their share of personal struggles: divorce, pornography, a crisis of faith, depression, etc. But they have handled their struggles and their lives with integrity. For that, I am grateful. I am glad to know them and I hope to be more like them.
Except for the guy with the condiment issue.
What observations can you make from your own personal address book?
AN
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2 comments:
I looked at my email address book...........yep pretty much everyone is a lot like me. Oh there are some personality differences but ...........same sex, same church background, same age, same income (give or take 10 to 20 thousand) same family values, same education, same humor. Where is the diversity?
Of course we all have different spritual gifts and talents but still.......kind of revealing. I don't know one person who likes to jump from planes or who likes snakes...... etc. I must enlarge my territory.
so what you are saying is that we are not only what we eat, we are like who we associate with. Which is all the more reason to be very careful who we allow our children to be friends with and yet are we denying them the chance to spread their wings and become more open and interesting. Parenting is too hard at times to figure out.
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